How to Stop Losing Your Identity in Relationships

Have you ever had the experience where you find yourself losing your identity or the sense of yourself once you get into a relationship? If you're not sure what I'm talking about here let me elaborate.

You start out having perspectives, preferences, opinions, desires and attitudes that you Lava Lamps reflect you as a person and then once you find yourself in a relationship, be it with a lover or a friend you slowly but surely start sacrificing these for new perspectives, preferences, opinions, desires, and attitudes that more reflect those of the person you are in relationship with. Meanwhile you start to feel as if you and your life are slowly dissolving away. You start to feel perhaps uncertain as to who you really are and what you stand for. You perhaps find yourself feeling like a passive participant in a life that does not truly reflect your deepest innermost desires. You start to feel a deep sense of emptiness and a great deal of self doubt. You sense a growing sense of sadness and possibly even the specter of depression. Perhaps this leads also to feelings of anger towards the other as well as yourself. Perhaps you find yourself unconsciously sabotaging yourself in ways that lead to the demise of the relationship and there after feeling badly about what happened and about yourself.

If this picture has evoked in you an awareness of a scenario that you've experienced either once or repeatedly in your life then you might Agakewlptbjo the Antipsychotic Therapy hand be feeling frustrated by the awareness of this pattern while on the other perhaps relieved that someone has finally brought it to your attention as something that may be haunting your ability to achieve a sense of self mastery and fulfillment.

What is at the root of such a pattern?

There may be many things such as:

1. The need to please others in order to feel loved appreciated or validated.
2. The fear that asserting Government student loan consolidation true self might lead to being rejected.
3. The fear of being criticized by the other.
4. The need to avoid feeling guilt at any cost.
5. Feelings that you don't deserve a right to your own opinions, desires, preferences etc.

These items and many others like them are similar to the programming one finds in your computer. They literally have programmed you to feel and behave in ways that severely constrict you and your ability to manifest your life in the ways that feel right and true for you. The result is that you "do not" manifest what you desire and that is akin to "not living"!

Living in such a "straight jacket" however is not what is desired by anyone or by the Life Force that lives inside you. Hence it is natural for one who is programmed in such a way to feel a deep sense of frustration about their situation. Indeed this frustration is a normal and healthy response to the constrictions one is experiencing. It along with the desire to feel and be free and expansive are the driving forces that lead one to seeking a way to freedom.

What is the source of this unconsciously held programming?

Well, as I'm sure you have already guessed it is the sum total of one's early life experiences that are "stored" as memories in one's mind and body. This "movie" called one's "Life History" IS the programming.

Yet many of us are so identified with it as "who we are" we can't seem to get away from it.

Well that's like saying that the straight jacket one might be wearing is "who they are" or you saying that the software stored in your computer "is what the computer itself consists of".

Now does that make sense? Hardly!

Yet there are also deep and almost immutable beliefs one holds that this "software" IS who they are because, as some of you might venture, "Who would I be without my life history"?

Well the constricting programming is not who you are. You can see this if you simply take a moment to reflect on the following.

For instance:

1. Does it feel like you're in control of it or that it is in control of you?

I'm sure you'll recognize that the latter is the case.

2. Does it feel like you designed this software to constrict yourself with?

Hardly! Why would anyone want such a fate?

3. Can you stand back and see it as something that is other than your deepest self?

Of course, as is evident by your ability to recognize it, talk about it and have feelings about it. You also "know" deep inside you that it is "not" desirable. This ability to "say" that it is not desirable is clear indication that "it" and "you" are distinctly different entities!

So, if you're with me so far you might be wondering how one can become free of this programming.

If you're up for the challenge it entails beginning to question the very "fact", as some call it, that "you are your life history".

The next step is to begin the process of "erasing your hard drive" of this stored programming so that, what I call Your True Authentic Self, can reclaim for yourself your Life Energy and realign you with the True Purpose of your life.

A new where to donate a car called the Mind Resonance Process (MRP) that I have written about extensively here in this ezine is available for you to start on this journey to Yourself.

Nick Arrizza MD is a Life, Executive, Organizational and Spiritual Tele-Coach living in Toronto, Canada. He is also the developer of the powerful personal growth tool called the Mind Resonance Process (MRP).

A free 1 hour MRP telephone session is available upon request (you will be asked to cover your own long distance telephone charges).

Email: mailto:drnick@telecoaching4u.com">drnick@telecoaching4u.com